I’ve always took care of my garden, it was what I liked the most about my home. I liked the shade the oak provided to the house in the sunny Summer days, the fragrance from the flowers during Spring time, the Autumn melody the fallen leaves created and even during the Winter I could look out of the window and feel like part of me was connected to that nature that I helped flourish. This nature made me feel magical. No. It was nature itself that was magical. Nature existed in a magical way, growing in places where no one expected it to grow, creating aromas that don’t seem possible to be created and teem with life in places where there shouldn’t be any. At least that’s how I felt, because I mean, I had never seen a fairy before. I didn’t even believe in Santa Claus, much less fairies. But that’s what happened, suddenly, without any warning whatsoever. I was simply looking out of the window as someone says behind me:
- Your garden is so beautiful!
My cigarette fell to the ground. Someone who lives alone for ten years without even pets doesn’t expect silent robbers in the middle of the city. It was seven in the afternoon, robbers where? At that time, they’re still preparing the materials so they can go have dinner after and move to that night’s target at around ten or eleven pm. And neighbours? Are you kidding me? I want to have nothing to do with those neo-modernist vanguardists that live in the moment of what of their “friend” told them was viral. That type of person that glues a smile to their face to try and flaunt their latest economic waste, seconds before reattaching the blinkers to their smartphone. No, this was something different from those domesticated humans. No matter how much I scoured the house there was nothing there. Behind the curtains that lead to the garden was nothing but dust and a bit of dirt, and behind the sofa there was no pigmy. The voice hadn’t been mechanical, so the television that was airing in this moment an advertisement about yet another “credit company” didn’t bother me.
- I get it. Wait a second while I try to materialize myself better.
The voice seemed to come from the deck that led to the garden, but there was nothing there. Nothing, that is not necessarily true, approaching myself to the place that seemed to be the origin point of the sound, I started to notice a lack of space. The visual sensation would fade away in that area, as if a sound wave was encapsulated there. I tried to touch that space, but I wasn’t allowed to. Nothing existed in that space, but it didn’t allow me to exist there, any tries to touch it indicated that the space was occupied by something with physical properties mas the touch would not keep any feeling of what it might have been. A small area forbidden to my existence. But it didn’t take that long until something appeared there, something phantasmagorical. Spectral? Maybe not that much, it was like watching a shadow in the middle of the air suddenly gain colours but without having any consistency.
- And now can you see me? Forgive me, I can understand that I’m not yet common to you. Let’s do it like this, I will wait on top of this little dirt on this small corner and if don’t swipe it away from here I’ll stay here until you can see me!
Dammit. I really wanted to clear that dirt. I don’t even know how it got there but must have been when it rained two weeks ago, and I went to the garden to feel the rain on my face. We need to take the opportunity to feel these little miracles that make us human or else who can guarantee that we still are one in this concrete world? The coloured shade that had formed had meanwhile disappeared, but the spatial violation had moved itself to that one corner behind the curtains.
- Alright, alright, that face of yours is already bothering me. Here’s the deal, I won’t be able to have a better look than that until you believe more in me. I can’t do much more and it was already pretty lucky that I managed to do what I did! So, keep living your everyday life and don’t forget about me here!! Until I manage to have a form, I’ll stay quiet, waiting, you know, it’ll be like entering a cocoon for you. Bye bye!!
And silence manifested. The smell of the cigarette was finally intercepted by the olfactory senses, awakening me from the momentaneous stupor. Taken away from this third-degree immediate encounter, I quickly picked up the cigarette and cleaned the ashes with a brush. It was so lucky that it didn’t leave any mark on the wooden floor, the dirt near the sliding door to the balcony was already bad enough. No point worrying about things that didn’t even happen, better go and prepare the dinner.
Around two months had passed. I had finished work by the afternoon, and I was still pissed with what I had to endure that day. When I think about it, it wasn’t even normal to feel that annoyed, but having to hear my cubicle colleagues’ complaints lately was messing up with my head, and today I still had to deal with my boss and his jokes. When he finishes telling his first joke everyone remembers the huge amount of work they still have to get done. Who on their right mind thinks that the similarity between nails and screws is funny? And as if it’s not bad enough how awful he is at telling jokes, he goes beyond it and bothers everyone with his lines, adding always something like “you need to have a more productive impact” or “tired worker, work well done” to the end of any conversation. Work well done to who? Neither for me nor for anyone else. When I arrived home the first thing I did was lay down on the sofa, to relax both the body and the mind. I zapped for some show to watch but I think I fell asleep during an advertisement with food because I dreamt about eating a hot-dog, and when I finished it in the dream I woke up determined to eat a second one. While I cautiously walked over the room, half-lit thanks to the light coming off the television, with the intention of reaching the light switch, I came head-to-head with a flying animal just short of reaching my objective.
- Hello, I think you can see me now? It took me a while but thanks to you I’ve gained a body that your eyes can see without any problem! Thank you so much for believing in me! Thank you thank you thank you!! And now that you can see me, I can finally explain you everything without you doubting me because you know that I exist.!
Yes, indeed something exists. I can hear this voice that sounds different to me, as if it travelled in an unconventional way, but I can’t see exactly where it comes from. I see something that is flying and has a shape, but the lack of light prevents me from understanding how to piece this visual puzzle. Upon trying to turn on the light I feel an inability to. A mixture of lack of need to, both motor and visual, and an inaction of the interpretation of my desire. I was probably really tired.
- Wait just a moment, it’s just that I want this to be like a gift in a surprise party, and without having even a name it’s like I haven’t even been invited. So, can you think of a fairy name for me? But think of one that you think it’ll will be able to belong to me!
I didn’t want to think, I was tired and felt even more tired after having fallen asleep, I just wanted to leave, but my mind was in a turmoil of seemingly endless thoughts about fairies. Titania, Mab, Saria, Ariel and Tinkerbell were some of the fairy names that flew in inside my head, but for some reason I felt that Tinkerbell was the easiest name to imagine. Tinkerbell would be the name that would offer to her. I felt my head strangely light the moment I opened my eyes and gave her the name, as if there was an unexpected void, moments before filled with content.
- Tinkerbell! What a pretty name! I love it. And since you’re you, you may call me Tinky!! Oh, I’m so happy, never would have thought there would come the day when I would meet someone like you! Now that I finally have a name you can turn the light on to meet me!
She looked very beautiful albeit with an unexpected brownish skin tone, as if burnt by the sun. She had a big smile that only didn’t shine more than her beautiful hair and honey-coloured eyes, that were matched with a simple dark blue shirt, dark as the night, and a pair of shorts black like space. Nothing else adorned her body, but little more was necessary. The simple presence of this fairy filled me with something that would make me let go of earthly feeling of being. This unexplained feeling didn’t abandon me, neither did I want it to escape from me, but eventually I understood my position as a physical existence and incorporated myself the moment the fairy spoke to me.
- Well now, finally I’ll be able to tell you everything. I mean, I hope you’re as happy to be able to see me as I’m happy for being able to have met you! Okay, and now, ta-dah! I, Tinky, am a fairy of happiness! “But why are you here Tinky?” you must be wondering, well then, it was all thanks to your feelings towards your garden! You’ve taken such good care of it and planted in it so many of your emotions that I was able to find you! And now I’m here with you, now and forever or so I hope! I don’t think there’s anything else for me to explain to you, so without further ado I’ll be finding a place for me.
There was nothing else that needed to be explained. Not even the sudden getaway right after the fairy’s presentation. I admired her movement through the living room until her form separated from my vision, but I felt her presence inside the house. This new company was perfect just like this day proved to be, and for a good day nothing like celebrating by eating a good dinner.
I’d like to know how much time had elapsed since the fairy came into my life, but everything feels so good that I can barely feel time go by. The more days go by when I go to work the less I remember about the why of me being there, such is the euphoria of me returning to my home. And why not, right? The home looks more beautiful every time, as if it had come to life by itself and did its’ best to display it towards me. None of the neighbours to whom I’ve opened the door, naked, seemed to notice anything, but it’s not like I needed their emotional understanding regarding what I felt about my sweet core home. Sometimes I sit in front of the television for hours and only notice that it wasn’t turned on when I pick the remote to turn it off and the images don’t stop. The number of interesting shows that air there is unimaginable, I wouldn’t be able to ever know what I was losing until now being able to experience it constantly. Even the food tastes better, even when sometimes I let something burn by mistake like shapeless tail from last Tuesday. No matter how much I ate it, it would always taste perfectly like hot-dog with mustard and French fries. Maybe there’s some more of those today for me to cook, I think I’d like that.
- I have something to tell you! Do you want to know what it is? Of course you do! That was obvious, silly me! It’s a surprise I’ve been preparing for some time now, but I finally got it. So your lush green garden, thanks to you and a little bit from Tinky here, now has a hyper-plantation! I don’t have many doubts but I’m almost sure you can now get all your food from your garden! Isn’t that great? Now you can spend more time around the house and make everything better. It’s going to be the best time ever! But I really can’t neglect what I must do, so I really need to go check that everything is alright with the garden to make sure you’ll get all the happiness available to you whenever you want it! See you in a bit!
I ecstatically absorbed these words. Nothing more existed in my being than the moment of this happening. Being absorbed in this unqualifiable emotion didn’t hinder my eyes of scrutinizing the little fairy walking out into the garden and disappearing from my visual range, but never from myself. This beautiful fairy was the most marvellous thing that ever pervaded my existence and filled my life like water to who’s thirsty. Her immutability contrasted with mine, that would more and more appreciate her shirt of short dark blue fur, emitting lights like the big starry sky in a cloudless beautiful night. Her small shorts that would twist darkness into themselves, even when the fairy would stand still, would create without even one line, patterns that would make vanish into the abyss. Her eyes, light like a Winter morning, would shine even in the absence of any exterior luminosity, like the sundown light covered by a flimsy curtain. This materialized perfection and completed with a tail, that thanks to its’ consistency made it impossible to know where her hair ended and where her hind appendage started, was the most bushy and comfortable that I ever had the pleasure of ascertain. Its’ movement was mesmerizing when she simply stood still, but its’ movement while walking on her legs made the actions of the tails become a fascinating spectacle. Oh what such joy it is to be here. I wonder, what’s for dinner today?
The ecstasy of existing in this plane is overwhelming, the reason of my existence is clear. The number of epochs that had gone by ever since I walked out the door had been so many that the door stopped existing, having it been swallowed by the house itself. What do you need a door for when there’s nothing outside that has any meaning to my being? The windows and the outside disappeared as well, only the garden stayed. A magnanimous garden under a permanent new moon, and a night sky filled with the same stars that could be seen in the fairy’s shirt. This leafy garden that didn’t even make me want to stroll in it, since everything I’ve ever wanted and that I never longed for was inside this new home. The lack of items considered a common need nowadays, such water and electricity, was imperceptible, but rare were the times that required any locomotion to move from the place that was previously my sofa. There’s no feeling of need since the idyllic feeling that substantiates me, hinders me from everything, lest a growing fatigue. A fatigue that seems to envelop me like a liquid, both in my interior as well as my exterior. But even this fatigue is happiness. In the same way that the fairy is my life. The shining fairy that perpetuates her same appearance ever since she became symbiotic to my existence. From her luxurious honey-coloured hair and tails to her long and slender legs that seemed to float above the ground. It didn’t matter the amount of time that I’d lose in these realistic mirages that didn’t seem to ever cease, there was always the opportunity for an effort to see the true happiness that was the fairy when she, at least once a day, would enter my sensory field.
- Hello hello! How are we today? Fine and dandy like always! Nothing more and nothing less than that more! I want you to know that we’re almost almost going into the next stage! Like a rocket that is launched into space, you know? When it leaves those fuel tank things behind? Of course you do, of course you understand. So that thing, the fatigue, is that what you call it? That’s going to become a thing of the past, one of these days. I’m so happy that we’ll be one, it’ll be like we’re the perfect couple, isn’t that what you call it? Yes it is, yes it is! So thank you for everything and I’ll keep up with the preparations.
The nirvana which is the purpose of my trip has removed herself from my presence. The feeling of longing for those dazzling white eyes seemed as interminable as the density of the clothes that adorned my fairy. I don’t know if it was tiredness that prevented me from opening my mouth or the countless emotions that mired my inner universe, and at the same time all my being asked for that moment to become eternal, a tangible woe of something transforming or getting lost slipped over me. When this trip finally reached the station, the only obvious conclusion to that instant washed ashore. What will I be for dinner today?